Painful progress

It doesn’t take long to go from 1 to 100. The numbing pain that etches into my soul each time I give in seems to take control. I’m fighting a losing battle. Every time I open my mouth to solve the problem it only worsens. Like a scab you just keep picking because you desperately wish it would go away. Then you begin to hate yourself which in return sets you up for repeat failure. Self-loathing is the enemy of a recovering addict and I was surrounded and in the corner. It was dark, lonely, and the sense of dense fog in my brain made me want to puke. I felt absolutely hopeless. As if every raindrop that hit the ground caused another rainstorm. Then, something clicked inside of me and I realized something important. Acceptance is the key. When you hear the whistle blow, and the ref calls you out. When you make a mistake you regret and you feel the pain of self-doubt. Enlightenment. The odds have been stacked against us. It’s really no wonder you are losing, you have been hurt and the unresolved emotions have busted your controller. You can’t make your character move when the controller is broken. Stop trying so hard to level up your character. Focus on increasing the capacity of your controller. The grind will take work, but if you stop blaming yourself, it will come naturally. Look at the sun in the sky and conjure up a remembrance. Remember the way it feels to soak in the warmth that it gives. Remember the joy you embrace when you seek a life of gratitude. Sometimes it’s night. And sometimes it rains. But no matter how long the winter may stay, sunshine will always come back to play. The game is not easy, so don’t stay in hard mode. Why make it pvp when it could be co-op instead? Maximize your precision and minimize your activity, so you will snowball fast and crush your lane. When you need an item, love is stronger than hate. Wake up and dominate.